My wife (A story I
wrote for her birthday a few years ago)
My wife
and I were never supposed to be together. We should both be living lives
on the opposite ends of the world at the moment and the two greatest creations
both of us have ever been involved with, Zach and Hendrix, should not be here.
No if’s, and’s or but’s…we were not meant to be had it not been for this little
story I like to call ‘The Drunk Mexican Who Puked on the Security Guard.’
It went down like this:
My mate
at uni, Alex Ramirez (the drunk Mexican), just turned 21, which is the legal
drinking age in California. We were sitting in our 20th Century
History class one morning and he told me he wasn’t doing much for his birthday.
‘Taking it easy’, was his reply when I asked what was on the nights agenda. I
told him there was no way he was celebrating this important occasion doing
nothing and that I, the mature, older 25-year old would show him a good time
since his mates obviously were too piss weak to do so. Alex was a bit of a
soft, wallflower, geeky type…so I told him we’d keep it mellow…yeah right!
So he
showed up to my house that night (about 7pm), which just happened to be in the
downtown San Jose area (within walking distance to all bars, pubs and clubs).
My entire household of flat mates worked for Costco and all were raging
alcoholics, so to say we had an assortment of grog on hand is an
understatement. Let’s just say Alex had his first serious taste of drinking
within the first hour, as my flat mate Ed and I shoveled 3 rum n Coke’s down
his throat and about 10 shots of tequila. Then we decided to hit the bars.
Now
you’re probably thinking…when does Joh come into this story?
Well,
here’s where it gets good…
Since my
bands had been playing downtown San Jose for the past 7 years, I knew every
club/bar owner and manager. That meant quick entry and free grog at each of the
3 main venues and being that it was Alex’s 21st, they were all happy
to assist in his inebriation. By the time we got to the 3rd venue,
Alex was toast. It was only 10pm, too. While I was attempting to get Alex one
last shot for the walk back to my place (I wanted an early night, as I had
class in the morning…I was a good boy), Alex proceeded to puke all over the leg
of one of the security guards standing by the bar. Suffice to say, we were all
“politely” asked to leave immediately.
The
timing could not have been better for what turned out to be the most important
walk of my entire life. Because I had to practically carry Alex home the 10
blocks to my house, which meant a slow walk. This slow walk meant that I just
happened to cross paths with mates of mine who were walking down a street going
in a different direction, who both stopped to ask why I was carrying a drunk
Mexican. They laughed at my funny story and asked if I wanted to come with them
to party at this House club night a few blocks away. This “House club night”
was on the side of town I never went to, because let’s be honest here…that side
of town sucked balls. It’s where all the cheesy, uni types and rich corporate
arseholes hung out. Imagine a street filled with wankers in slacks, topsiders
and muscle shirts and don’t get me started on the men. Also, I had a drunk,
semi-passed out Mexican to get home…so I politely told them I’d give it a pass,
said my goodbyes and carried Alex the rest of the way home.
OK, I
haven’t mentioned Joh once…but I swear I will get to her. I mean, this story is
about her and I, yeah? Gimme’ a second…
I
immediately walked the 10 blocks to the ‘house party’ my mates had told me
about only to find 300 people in line (including my two mates), so all 3 of us
decided that we’d be better served going somewhere else. The only problem was
that every venue on this side of town was shit and as it was getting close to
midnight, we only had another hour or so to get a drink in (bars shut at 2am in
the states). So we hit some really bad, TGIF-type establishment and happened to
run into 2 of my flat mates. They told us that everyone else was at this place
called Mission Ale House, which I’d purposely never entered into in my entire
drinking lifetime, as they promoted bar dancing by nubile females in their
early 20’s, which I felt was a bit sexist. But my mates weren’t having any of
my shit, so we all walked the 2 blocks to this place (which was fairly packed).
My
soulmate…
Upon
entering this absolute, cheesy, meat market I spotted across the room quite
possibly the most beautiful female I’d ever laid my eyes on. There would have
been 300 people in that room, but it was like a shining light was highlighting
this one female just for me. People call it the lightening bolt, whatever. All
I know is that my eyeballs practically came out of my head…but, of course, I
had to play it cool. My mate, Steve Vicari, who I’d run into at the last place
nudged me immediately and said, “Dude, how hot is that Filipino chick over
there?” He knew Filo’s cuz he was currently going out with 2 of them…maybe 3.
Anyways, I knew I’d have to act quick if I wanted to get in before Steve, cuz
he loooooved Filo’s. Still, I had to play it cool. So we all met up with my
flat mates and their mates and there was quite a large group of us and our
group eventually moved closer to the large group that the hot Filo was part of
(I kept looking over at her to see if there was a dude attached and I was
pretty sure there was. My mate Steve kept nudging me and telling me I should go
talk to her, but I told him I thought she was with someone. He told me I
shouldn’t care, but I wanted to play it cool (obviously, I wasn’t that cool).
Whilst I was in a conversation about something educational based, Steve (the
one who loved Filo’s) grabbed my arm and said to come with him and he quickly
thrust me in front of, you guessed it, Johdean Damasco.
Anyone
that knows me knows that conversation has always been difficult for me, as
talking is not my strong suit…so I was at a loss for words. Jokes! I think I
asked her if she came here often (I was hoping she didn’t) and the convo
quickly turned to why she was here with all of her mates. It turned out this
was a party to celebrate her return to the USA after a 3-month trip to
Australia. She told me she was soon going to become a certified Chiropractor
and that she’d accepted a position to practice in Australia the following year.
I think she asked about what I did, which my answer would have sounded really
boring compared to her story…as I was going to be a teacher in California (woop
woop).
I told
you, money move! Kids at home, take note.
So I did
what anyone in my position would do…I waited 10 days to give her a call and it
took us 2 months of phone calls before we finally went out on our first date.
The rest, they say, is history.
I moved
to Australia 9 months after she did, we had Zach (our first son) one year later
to the day almost, tried to buy a practice, had the rug pulled out from under
us, I had the brain tumour while Joh was pregnant the second time, we had
Hendrix, we bought a practice and have “quietly” lived a life I wouldn’t trade
for anything. Johdean is the strongest willed, most giving, caring and loving
woman I have ever known. She wont budge if she feels strongly about something,
loves buying shoes, hand bags, clothes, food, electronics…hell, she loves
buying anything and she truly cares about people. If you’re her mate, she will
do anything for you…no questions asked. She loves the little things in life and
can find happiness in just about every conceivable scenario. Nobody meets
Johdean and walks away not loving her and she is, without a doubt, the greatest
thing that every happened to me.
Love you
babe!!!
Eric
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