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As I am sitting here listening to the rain pelt down outside less then 24 hours after probably the hardest run of my life, I feel like reflecting. Maybe it's because I want to look back on this moment in 5-10 years and remember everything about it. Maybe it's the immense pain I feel in my legs when I stand up or maybe it's my shirt sticking to the open wounds on my back from the broken skin caused by a not-so comfortable Camelbak water bag I wear for my bloodclots, but I just feel like sharing what it's like to put your body to the test (as a normal person, not some world-class athlete). This one is for my boys and who knows, maybe my grandchildren one day.

Basically, I finished a marathon yesterday. And it was tough. Some back story…

In 2020, right as Covid was just about to change all our lives, I got bacterial pneumonia. I’ve never been so sick in my entire life, easily lost 10kg and ended up getting taken to hospital by ambulance just after our first lockdown in Melbourne had started. Of course, I was swabbed upon entry to hospital as my symptoms were basically Covid symptoms and it came up positive so I went straight to one of the first Covid wards in Victoria (possibly Australia). Full hazardous waste suits for all doctors n nurses, total isolation and I was hooked up to lots of tubes to get vital fluids and foods back into me.

Joh took a pic of the door that seperated me from the rest of the world when I was admitted.

Within a week I was out (after repeated negative swabs - they didn’t know how to do them then so they basically swabbed my brain through my nose) and I came home to our first lockdown (most of you remember that one). The world was going to hell in a hand basket (at least Melbourne was) and there was this eerie apocalyptic vibe permeating throughout the city.

I came out right as school holidays were starting (up to my hospital stay I was pretty much doing Teams lessons online for students from my bed as I was so sick). So this meant family time, which I was really excited about as our boys were getting older and this meant they had to hang with us. I’m sure they weren’t as excited as my wife and I were though, but pandemics trump teenage zest.

A family selfie that Joh took on that first walk (I still hadn't shaved from my week in the hospital).

So day 1 post hospital, we decided to take the dog for a walk. Mind you, I’d just gotten out of hospital and seriously lost 10kg (muscle and fat) so on that first family walk, I would’ve made it 100m tops (there and back). As the pneumonia had destroyed my lungs, I was out of breath and had no energy at all and, as a fairly active dude, this pissed me off to no end.

So that night, knowing my gym was closed, I decided the next day I’d go for a run to whip myself back in shape.

At this time, remember that we had a 5km radius we were allowed to go out to from our homes in Melbourne (not that I planned on getting that far…yet). So I set out the next day with my youngest son and our dog for a run (I should add that we live in foothills, so it’s quite “hilly” around my place).

On this run, I was pleased with the fact I made it about 1km (so much better than my walk the day before but still much less than my normal 5km runs on the treadmill at the gym). Still, I was slow but with us being on lockdown I knew that I’d just head out again the next day and try to go further.

I told my mate, who is a beast with running as he also does triathlons competitively, and he suggested I get on this app called “Strava” so I can keep track of my runs and talk crap with him. So I got it and this made it easier to see progress, because the next day when I ran, I did 2km. Day after, 3km. Within that first week I was back to my regular 5km runs (all with my dog as my running partner…as my son was not interested running with a 45+ old man).

A regular site during Covid lockdowns: Me and Phoebe out for a walk, run or coffee trek.

Then, when school came back (I was teaching online), our school tried to keep us all connected and one of their ideas was to start a Strava running club. I immediately signed up.

This was great as we had weekly goals and a leaderboard and I am 100% a competitive beast. Within a month (only 5 weeks out of hospital), I was starting to do 10km runs per day 5-6 days a week (it really did happen that fast). I was finding trails through our hills (we’ve lived out this way for 15 years) I never even knew existed. I was running before online classes, in between online classes or after (rain, hail or shine). All with my trusty sidekick Phoebe (our lab kelpie).

Anyways that kept up long into our first lockdown (and through all subsequent lockdowns for that matter) and my runs started turning into 15km and the 17km runs (Phoebe was no longer running with me by this point - too far for our old girl).

Then, one day, I just kept going and did my first half marathon. That was probably 5 months after coming out of hospital, with absolutely zero muscle when I started, so I guess I had become somewhat of a runner and had built my legs back up. Mind you, I was, and still am, a chubby runner. Lol!

A screen shot of my first Strava half-marathon I ran in 2020 (Melbourne had definitely opened up by this point during one of our breaks between lockdowns).

Did my first official (non-Strava) half-marathon once Melbourne opened up officially in 2020 and it was totally surreal finishing at the MCG and seeing my family in the stands cheering me on. Loved every minute of it.

So great doing my first official half with my best mate (obviously finishing way ahead of me) and my family there to see it all. What a day to be alive!

Fast forward 5 months and we’d just got back from our 20-year wedding anniversary trip to the Whitsundays with our sons (as we’d been married on Whitehaven Beach back in 2001) and almost 2 years to the day I did that 100m walk with my family that almost killed me, I tripped on a fairly fast 16km run I was doing (on a Sunday) and kind of twisted my ankle somewhat. Nothing too bad so I went to work the next day thinking nothing of it.

Our 20-year anniversary holiday to the Whitsundays and the beach Joh and I got married on. Such a trip!

Driving to work, I noticed that my left leg was really sore. Too sore. Anyways, by the time I got to work and stepped out of my car, my left leg was in more pain than I had ever experienced. This was odd! I mean, before work, it was a bit sore but nothing too crazy or bad enough to make me think I needed to see a doctor. But it was throbbing now.

So I went straight to our school nurse who made me take my sock off and pull up my pants and even I could see my leg was swollen. It had swollen up pretty bad in the course of an hour so she suggested I go see a doctor immediately. Especially after I told her about my history with blood clots (and a large DVT) which stemmed from a brain tumour which was removed back in 2004. I’m literally a walking medical condition book.

So I booked in with a GP, drove back out my way and within 2min of looking at my swollen leg he did an ultrasound and it clearly showed I had a fairly large blood clot in my leg. I should add that this isn’t weird to me as my DVT has reared its head around a few times post brain surgery but usually only after long flights if I haven’t taken my shots. This was NOT one of those times.

So it was off to the local public hospital where (after 12 hours, for real, in the waiting room where I was sweating and obviously in discomfort) a doctor finally took pity on me and read my medical history with DVT’s and admitted me instantly. Then, they did a proper scan of my leg and I had a blood clot from my crotch (sorry ladies) to my big toe in my left leg. It was massive!!! Literally, they were calling doctors in to look at my clot before they admitted me officially. What a Monday!

After shooting me up with blood thinners and another scan, they sent me home the next day. I spoke to a hematologist at the hospital before I left with 2 specialists to call immediately (one being a vein surgeon and the other being a top blood doctor). Both informed me I wouldn’t be running any time soon (bugger) and I was on blood thinning medication immediately. Still on it, too. Boo!

I wasn’t allowed to run for fear that the clot would break apart and enter my blood stream and that could lead to it getting to my brain or heart or anywhere that could kill you or at the very least cause a stroke.

So I got fat again. Not obese, but I definitely put on the kilos. And this is the catalyst for me running a marathon yesterday (my first and probably only marathon).

It took about a year or so before I could officially start running again and around that time, I ran into an old mate (who actually lives close to us but we never seem to cross paths other than the occasional dog walk).

So it’s about late-2022 by this time and my mate who I mentioned, Justin, ran into my wife and I at the shops and he mentioned that he was thinking about doing another marathon. Well, I just thought that was the perfect thing to jumpstart me getting back into running. A running partner. I’d never had one of those before and Justin is cool as.

We’re the same age and live 3 blocks away from each other. So soon after this meeting, Justin devised a plan for us to run Melbourne Marathon in 2023 and created a bit of a running program for us which has consisted of 2-3 5:30am runs a week before we both go to work (he works from home, I no longer do) and a longer weekend run at a more appropriate time because of my late night gigs.

Well, we pretty much kept to this schedule til the end of 2022 and all through 2023 (rain, hail or shine) and it’s been one of the most rewarding workout routines I have ever followed. In the lead-up to Melbourne, we both did a couple of half-marathons and it’s been a blast.

Some of the runs in the lead up to this year, plus some well deserved recovery post Mornington half-marathon. Whoop!

So yeah, I did a marathon yesterday. It was really tough, especially when my legs cramped up about 36km into the run, but I did it.

A stack of pics from yesterday from my boys who made it out to watch me run (slowly) into the MCG and then assisted in getting me home. Also, big ups to Izzy & Coby (our good friends from California) who made it down to wish me the best (legends)! Had to do all this whilst face-timing my wife in Bali (lol). Love you, babe!!!!

Of course none of it would’ve been possible without the support of my wife, who had to put up with all my running and usually/probably waking her up at 5:15am on a Tues & Thurs mornings with it pouring rain outside…but she’s my biggest supporter. My best mate Spiesy gave me so many tips and was also huge in helping me with training, eating n drinking tips. But Justin was my main man throughout the whole ordeal (he had to pull out of the marathon, but kept training with me as if he was doing it - such a legend).

This isn’t supposed to be some self-help motivational story. I ain’t Tony Robbins. Just sharing what has been a fairly interesting past 4 years and I’m pretty stoked with actually doing it. Justin used to say to me all the time on our runs that only 0.01% of people on the planet will ever do a marathon. I had no idea if this is true, but I looked it up and it seems fairly true. I don't reckon it's because they can't, I just reckon it's not having the time. But you know what? You can find the time if you want to do one for yourself. Because it's a pretty great feeling knowing you challenged yourself to do something the body isn't really meant to do (I guess). 

I'm in there somewhere (nowhere near the front though).

I’m a fairly motivated dude, but with the pneumonia, blood clots, being a bit overweight, about to turn 50; yadda yadda yadda, I never even dreamed of doing a marathon. Why would I? But I did it.

Hell, after my brain tumour I had to learn how to walk again so I was pretty stoked to just be living and planned on getting old and fat like the best of em. But I figure there’s a bit more to life than that, don’t you?

If you are thinking about doing one, do it! The only thing it’ll cost you is time. Seriously, this is NOT a flex at all...if I can do it, you can do it!

Now, I hear these triathlons can be fun…

TBC

BANGERS & CHEESE

OBLIVEUS MIX FOR 45 DAY 2021

So here's my mix for Forty Five Day. 

"What's Forty Five Day, you say?"

Well, Forty Five Day is basically a date on the calendar that celebrates 45's. 

In case you are still not sure what I am on about, just picture these outdated forms of technology (that predominantly middle-aged men play) that now get a lot of love from all over the world. 

Up until the past 10 years, there was this tiny group of serious superstar DJ's that played 45's predominantly (or only) in theirs sets, i.e. DJ Platurn (45 Sessions), Boca 45, Andy Smith, DJ Shadow, Cut Chemist, Natasha Diggs, Mr Thing and I'm sure I am forgetting heaps more.

Anyways, the 45's collecting "bug" caught on a few years back for many so nowadays they are big business (which has caused prices for some used 45's to skyrocket). Because of the rise in price for originals (just think about how expensive 45's are in the soul scene), numerous labels started re-pressing, re-releasing or re-imagining past releases so as to take advantage of all these people buying the donuts. 

Of course, there's also a majority out there who still love nothing more than digging through op-shops, used record stores, yard sales and warehouse closures looking for these things, as they are super addictive. Anyways...

We're a fairly nerdy bunch, us 45's DJ's, so we celebrate by dropping a bunch of mixes containing 45's only (the singles) on various websites and/or radio shows, but once a year everyone drops a mix for the Forty Five Day and links their Mixcloud page. It's seriously like every gunslinger in the wild west shooting their gun into the air at the same time and there's pretty much a mix out there of every style of music under the sun.

Last year, I did a jump blues and soul 45's mix right in the heart of our Covid lockdown in Melbourne. It was a fun mix, but I actually originally set out to do a pop mix. Well, this one is basically that, but in a "punk, rock, hiphop, nu wave and pop" way that is super fun first and foremost. It's also a labour of love mix, as I've put the hard yards in digging for all the 45's in my mix, with a few being online "digs", of course.

It's a great concept put together by my man, Christos aka 25ThC. He's part of this dope crew called the Original Forty Fivers out of the UK, so I wanted to do him justice and decided I'd put together a mix that's pretty much exactly like I would play peak time in a nightclub. 

It's fairly cheesy for the most part, but as I mentioned, super fun. Hope you dig it!

OB

Peter Andre...

I reckon I’m not an a-typical DJ (or human for that matter). Never conformed to what I was supposed to do (hello college football, life in the states and lack of home ownership for better or worse). I can’t really peg it. I do remember hanging with my friends in primary school and if they all got up to go somewhere at lunch or recess, I’d purposely wait 2min to get up and follow or not follow. For some reason, I could never bring myself to “go with the flow”.

Coming to the end of university, I was actually well-placed to get my bachelors degree, a teaching credential and live and work near my home town of San Jose, which is what my family expected of me. But then I met this girl (yeah, we know how that turned out).

Anyways, this lack of conformity has translated well to my DJ life as I have never listened (or currently listen) to what people tell me I’m supposed to play. I do my own thing. That said, I always nod politely when punters request tunes and always agree to styles the venue wants (knowing full well I’m going to do my own thing anyways and that it will work — it always does). I always nod politely and tell every punter, “yeah, I’ll totally fit that in...great idea”; knowing full well it won’t be played. Unless, I feel like playing it later (it always has to be much later).

It’s not that I’m a dick, I just like being in control when DJ’ing and trust those instincts. Not a chin striker either. I’ll just as easily drop Whitney Houston as I would some groovy number from Roy Ayers; I don’t give a fuck. I either like it or I don’t. 

I’m only saying this because although we hit that moment where punters want every and any song they can think of because, “hey, anyone can DJ now”, they are now getting ruder and ruder about it. Self-entitlement is at an all-time high.

It’s now an expectation the DJ will play YOUR song and when YOU want it played, I.e. “wait 10min, I’m going to the toilet before we leave and want to walk out singing along to Stevie Nicks.” FFS!

This leads to many verbal confrontations with punters these days because not only do I NOT play their songs, but I’ve usually forgotten the shit request the moment they walk away expecting to hear it. When they return (they always return) demanding the song, I just say it’s not the right time or, “my bad, that songs on my other laptop. I brought my wrong laptop tonight.” And that usually works.

People actually believe this shit...like I have multiple laptops for different nights. 

Regardless, due to their obvious anger which I realize I have had some part in creating (cuz I can be a dick), the next step in this charade is when they always go to, “but I have it on my phone”. 

Which leads to...

“Yeah, this program doesn’t work like that. Really sorry, anything else you may like? If I got it, I’ll play it.” Which is really another lie.

Or this old chestnut...

“I’ve only got these 45’s tonight and that song was never released on a 45.” Not a lie.

Which then results in...

“Wow, CD’s. How old are YOU? Ok, let me go have a think about it.”

Hook. Line. Sinker.

3 hours later (long after they were supposed to leave), she or he will be losing their shit to something I chose, not them. Usually, it’s something polar opposite to what they wanted in the first place, too. 

DJ mental warfare usually goes a bit like this:

Shania Twain? No thanks, but thanks for making me think of System Of A Down because I saw some Shania interview in SF whilst channel surfing back in 2003 when she toured there. Of course, this memory just so happened to remind me of an old mate of mine who managed my friends Bay Area band Salmon (Gary Avila) and he hyped me to SOAD way back when as I think they opened for them at The Edge in Palo Alto (near enough to SF) but I didn’t go and now regret it. 

So I’ll play SOAD instead and it will work for a sizable chunk of the crowd. The rest will walk off, grab a drink and will probably be back on the floor 2 songs later when I play Shania Twain after the initial requester has probably left. 

I really do think like this. I’m also a dick!

See, I don’t see music for genres. I either like it or I don’t. Pop music: if it’s catchy and I can sing/hum along to it, I generally think, “this will work on a dance floor”. So I play it. It can be any genre because I don’t see music for genres.

Oftentimes, I make genre specific mixes for Mixcloud, cuz that’s for “listening”, not “dancing”. I actually have gotten to the stage in my life where I like to listen to particular genres for long stretches as it calms me down (you can probably tell I’m a bit all over the shop). 

But all bets are off when I play gigs, because genre hopping is what it’s all about (for me). But I want catchy tunes when I play out; there’s gotta be a hook. 

Even with instrumental tracks, there needs to be something memorable there that I can instantly recongnize and process as “catchy”.

I inwardly laugh when people play out pop music like it’s some tainted bastard of mediocrity. I reckon the vast majority of these people have very little idea how difficult it is to create great pop records, songs, albums; whatever. It’s an art unto itself. 

Just because a song is picked up by commercials, movies, game shows, sporting events, etc doesn’t mean it’s shit. It means it’s that good. We may all hate it whilst it’s force fed to us by the minute, but it’s still a good song. 

I don’t care if it took 20 songwriters to write it, a good song is a good song. Popularity does not factor into that.

Still, as a DJ, I tend to stop playing songs that are currently popular, not because they are bad, but because they are expected. I usually won’t play them again until they are forgotten and sometime will never play them again (unless it’s a wedding where all rules are off lol).

So yeah, pop music. I love it. Til it’s requested. Then it’s shit. Til it’s forgotten. Then it’s good again. 

BTW Peter Andre Rocks!!!

Drops mic.

Briefs...

This is LOL:

To all of our DJ’s…

Music at (NAME WITHELD FOR ECONOMIC REASONS) is very important to us, as we feel the vibe of our venue is dependent on the tunes our hand selected DJ’s are playing. Musically, bad selection = bad business in our eyes. You have all been chosen because we trust your selection, but please play within the parameters set by our staff, i.e. the ones who are here often and know the vibe better than anyone. Obviously, we don’t expect you to play exactly what’s in this short brief, but stick close to it if you wish to continue playing here:

Late-Arvo/post-work weekdays...

Keep it chilled. We like background beats that have a bit of some psychedelic, thumb-thimble type action with a sprinkle of “Buddhist monk chanting” over the top. Preferably, record some little shits sounds plopping into the toilet (synced, of course) to really give the chants some “bottom end”. Bear in mind, that under no circumstances do we want volume past 2-3 on the mixer (it is a Berringer, and you’d know how great their output is). The music should be so background that punters will be huddled around you and your headphones listening for anything remotely close to a beat so that the vibe by the DJ console promotes “touching”.

Also, make sure you “layer in”, not mix, some Balearic circus vibes (as long as it’s layered and chilled). We kind of have that Cirque De Soleil thing going in the back corner by the Daytona Driving Games so want those punters to feel welcome, too. It’s all about diversity.

Also, I know we mention this each week, but remember that staff love wiping down tables to anything that remotely sounds like 1998-2000 era Deep House from the Drop label, so play that, too. But please, keep it “chill” and “layer”, don’t mix. Some of you have been playing a bit more 2000-2005 era deep house and that’s not what we want…unless it’s funky. I trust you with that one though, because you’re the selectors.

Also, you’ll get a lot of accountants, lawyers and marketers rolling through after work. If they ask for Stevie Nicks, under no circumstances are you to play anything from Fleetwood Mac. We prefer originals, so only songs written while she was boning Jimmy Iovine are acceptable, i.e. the stuff Tom Petty wrote. 

If any of that fails, play RNB.

Club Night begins...

So about 7pm (after we’ve hosed down the toilets and kicked all the lawyers out of the stalls), we get a bit of a drop in attendance. This when we trust your selection most of all, so would really like you to play any of the Ministry of Sound Mix CD’s that came out for free with Mixmags back in the day. Start with the Pete Tong 1999 Essential selections (my fav) and then I trust you to select any of the mix CD’s I’ve left for you in the booth in sequential order, with time of night we want them played. 

I know, I know...you’re probably thinking CD’s??? Well, we do like to be a bit old school and feel the punters respect the fact that we’ve put the time in to find these mixes from the Mega-CD Wallet from the back of my 95 Commodore sitting behind my Nan’s shed. I personally ripped these CD’s from stuff downloaded off Napster, so it’s what sets our club apart from other clubs. We’re dangerous.

Bear in mind that anything from Sasha and/or Digweed goes down a treat while we transition into a nightclub and these CD’s are full of the songs everyone was loving back well before these club kids were even conceived. Your creativity when pushing play during the blends is quite important, so please make sure this is done with minimal disruption to the flow of the night. But really, we do trust your selection when you play these CD’s (in sequential order)…so I do not think this will even be an issue. Kill it!

So after you’ve played the CD’s I left for you (reminder: in sequential order), it’s really important you try to hold onto whatever punters remain until the “real crowd” arrives, so only play remixes of popular songs circa the naughties. Better yet, if you could just push play on my iPhone which is plugged into Channel 1 and make sure to stay out of the red, that’s perfect. As well, we really need you to look interesting as punters walk in, so please angle your ear (and headphone) at 65 degrees above CDJ so that punters think you’re doing something. As people walk in, choose my “8pm mix” or “Eightpm mix”, as either will get the party started. This is where your selection abilities come to the front. One of these mixes starts about 80 BPMS and the other clocks in about 92 BPMS, so obviously you need to be reading the vibes to know which one to play. I trust you with this though.

Speaking of trust, on the rare occasion I am using my phone, I trust you to play Calvin Harris type funky house with a bit of tribal overtones, but now we want you to “mix” (not “layer”). I prefer at least 16 bars of high hats “layered” (sorry, I mean “mixed”) over 4/4 kick drums during mix transitions starting from 120 BPMs up to (but not over) 125 BPMs. Bear in mind, we need you to nod your head in beat with the music while occasionally chucking the filter on before massive drops. I suggest at least two “filter drops” (as they’re called in the industry) per song but you may want to do 4-6. I don’t want to stifle your creativity though, so we leave this in your capable hands.

Another thing...really pay attention to the dance floor and the bar, too. We want a 60-40 ratio between line up at the bar and dancers. To assist with this (because we are a team), we’ll send 3 of our bartenders on break at this time, which means we’ll easily pack our bar but need you to get that 40% on the dance floor. I cannot be more serious about this.

Literally, walk out and count the punters. You’ll be playing my mix CD’s anyways.

We have a calculator behind the bar, so you can get the percentage right. 60-40, it’s the way to go. If Maths isn’t your thing, we understand. There are plenty of You Tube clips that can show you, so I recommend watching these first (before you arrive). Actually, I’ll send you the links in a second. Don’t forget the red lining, too...

As the venue fills back up, start playing more “upbeat” but not popular “upbeat”. Our expectations are that the DJ can take the punter on a journey so they stay all night. Therefore we need you to not play anything “shit”. Shit music is bad music so refrain from playing disco (too cheesy), pop music (too cheesy), rap (too gangsta and cheesy), funk music (not funky enough), soul music (what even is this), reggae (cheesy), dancehall (absolutely not), Bass music (way too hard), techno (too underground), nu disco (too cheesy), disco edits (too close to cheesy), house music (too popular), hiphop (too cheesy), gabba (this ain’t 1998), drum’n’bass (too underground), country or western (too Shania), jazz (absolutely not) and/or spoken word (unless it’s an intro to one of my mix CD’s).

Of course, being such a pro, if any of that fails…play RNB!

So that’s just a brief description of what makes our venue tick. You are very much welcome to stop in any time so I can draw you my diagram of how to control the vibe in the room (it’s actually tattooed on my back). Regardless, we look forward to your continued support of our little Mecca of musical taste. Again, don’t take this brief as something you need to follow 100%, but stick to at least 98% of it if you wish to continue working with us. Your professionalism is something to be commended.

Cheers,

??? (Venue Manager)

PS A reminder to everyone that pay is $40ph invoiced and our managers do reserve the right to end your set early and just play my mix CD’s if they feel you are not sticking to the vibe. Don’t forget to send your invoice to our accounts department and we’ll get you into the following month’s pay cycle.

North America

When I first moved to Australia back in 2000, I got hooked up at this new venue called International Lounge Bar (through playing open decks at Laundry Bar - same owners). For those that don’t know, this place became Ding Dong Lounge and this happened within my first 2 months of living here. Obviously, beat mixing skills were not required but I wasn’t totally atrocious anyways. 

So they asked me to come in and do the late set, 1-4am on Friday nights for $25ph and being that I had no idea what I was doing, I happily said yes. $75 per week was a lot more than I had been raking in as 1/4 or 1/5 of a band for the past 8-9 years, so I thought ch Ching!!!!

So upon rocking up the first night for my set about midnight, I met the residents who were playing before me. One of whom was Nick Thayer (who was playing when I got there) and the other was Mark Brand (who’d already played but was most likely drinking all of our bar tabs before he went home).

Anyways, Brand and I hit it off right away. First off, he’s Canadian so I understood what he was saying easily enough. Second off, he loved Hiphop and we immediately connected on a long list of jams that we both loved. I realized through the convo he was into the “scratching” side of things but not overtly a “turntablist”. He seemed more about the culture and TBH, I was still so new to DJ’ing I didn’t know much about the culture of Hiphop other than what I had read and my experiences over my time going to Hiphop shows since I was 15. 

Brand was Hiphop to me; I was (and still am) a fan.

Anyways, we talked for about 30min before I went to set up and play (meeting Thayer for the first time — we got along, too) and that led to weekly hangouts with both these legends for the next year or so.

We’d do other parties together and they played all over whilst I was getting Beats Working started with Scott, Hans and Spies. But I was like a sponge with both Nick and Brand cuz they just seemed to know what they were doing and I was a total 100% novice. Whilst both were awesome DJ’s (and Nick was just starting to get into his production — I still have about 5 early CDR versions of tracks that would one day be signed to some cool labels) it was the way Brand handled business that really taught me a lot about how to “make it” as a DJ at the time.

I mean, I was my bands manager for most of my time doing it so it’s not like I had no clue about getting myself out there, but the way Brand did it made it seem so professional and business like. I think I got my ABN through him telling me how to do it.

He opened my eyes and a lot of doors to new venues and crews. I met a lot of people through Brand during those early years, ie Nathan Flagrant, Doc Felix, Jarrod Fox (the legendary J-Red), Mexi (and by default, No Name Nathan) and we did countless gigs together at Laundry, International, Lounge and plenty of joints I forgot about. He also introduced me to this cool dude named Ben Stacey, who just quit his band and got into DJ’ing and we’d end up doing quite a few things over the years (and we still try to hang whenever I’m up Sydney way). Brand even brought down a couple of up and coming rappers to freestyle on stage with me at Brown Alley one time by the names of Bliss n Eso and I still can’t remember who was more drunk, them or Brand (who also got on the mic, I think).

Brand was family to me and still is. I’m super stoked to see him doing so well after his move back to Canada, his constant world travels supporting those that need it, his culinary skills and I’m even more stoked that he and I get to hang tomoz at The Penny Black from 2-5pm, where we’ll be going back to back with a couple of bags of Hiphop, soul, funk, boogie and assorted treats all on the 45 format.

So for those that know Brand, get down to get down. For those that don’t, come meet him...you’ll be stoked that you did.

JUKE JOINTS: The Melbourne Launch!!!!

Very excited about the launch of our new monthly 45's night here in Melbourne AND the launch of Sydney's Juke Joints (which may not be a monthly, but hey, it's a start). Both Shan Frenzie and I are super stoked to be pushing the 45's sounds and the fact that I've now teamed up with a good mate and started our own 45's label, Juke Joints Records. You can find us at: jukejoints.com.au and we'll hopefully have a new release by mid-year, hence, me heading up to Sydney to plan it all out.

Anyways, anyone that knows me knows that I'm passionate about 45's, so the fact that venues (I'm looking at you Penny Black, Section 8, SPQR, Cafe Lounge, Ching-A-Lings, Little Mess, etc) and punters actually support guys and girls like us doing this is quite comforting and inspiring. So hopefully, we'll see you down getting down to sounds from the past (and plenty from now considering how many new acts are releasing 45's).

We all know the demise of vinyl was crock of shit, yeah?

Peeze,

Eric OB

Working class...

“So just one kiss”, she said. 

You gotta be kidding me, is this girl for real?

“I don’t know you, you don’t know me and we’ll probably never see each other again”, she continued. “It’ll be fun, let’s have fun.”

Her drunken voice was barely audible, although she was squishing into my space behind the decks something fierce and I was close enough to smell the tequila shots on her breath.

“That’s cool, you should go find someone younger. I’m good”, I politely responded. 

Unfortunately, this just egged her on even more and she started rubbing her hands on my back. 

I tried wiggling out of this but there was only so much space and no bar staff around due to the fact almost 1,000 nubile, young teen and/or twenty somethings (99% female due to type of business this was) were packed onto the dance floor between the bar and my booth which was currently overflowing by one drunk twenty something.

“Seriously, you should go dance with your friends”, I shouted over the music.

“After I get a pash”, she came back with. 

I had to put an end to this quickly...

“Look, this ain’t happening. No pash, no kiss”, I shouted (for what felt like the 5th time). Still no staff anywhere to help me as they were being slammed at the bar.

“C’mon, where’s the fun in that?” She mumbled those exact words while rubbing my back again. “Don’t you think I’m hot?” She was.

“Yeah, I guess. But I’m married, my wife is hotter and my oldest son is probably close to your age”. Bam! Take that. Conversation over!

“No way,”, the drunken cutie proclaimed. At this point she motioned to her friends who I noticed had all walked up with fresh drinks (it was an open bar Xmas function) to be huddled in front of the booth and yelled, “He’s MARRIED!”

“You’re lying, you’re not old enough”, she continued.

Feeling slightly exuberant due to this confidence boosting (although severely impacted by her inebriation) convo, I asked how old she was (big mistake). 

Mind you, this convo was happening whilst a full dance floor was going off to whatever Hiphop/RNB track I was playing and I could barely fit into the spot by the decks because she was firmly in the way trying to pash me. 

I should have told her to get the hell out and been mean about it, but anyone that knows me knows that I don’t roll that way. I’m always polite even when others aren’t. 

Still, I shouldn’t have kept the convo going because I had an out (at least I thought I did) and now she was trying to count her age on her fingers which she eventually was able to articulate at 22.

To this I replied, “my son is about to turn 17 so close enough.”

BANG!!!! CRASH!!!!!

While this was happening, another girl fell into the glasses, which had accumulated around the decks, whilst she was carrying another full round for her friends. This shattered glasses and spilled enough liquid onto the left turntable that I could see a thin layer of Vodka soda over the pitch control (bad news). 

I tried unsuccessfully to mop this up with whatever napkins were laying about (most of which were lipstick smeared) but this had as much of an effect as mopping up an overflown toilet with a Q-tip. 

So I tried to get some bar staff attention, but they were 15 deep and getting slammed from all of the open bar orders (a chunk of which were now marinating one of the turntables) and security was dealing with security issues that occur when 1,000 very young to semi young girls all descend upon a location with an open bar...basically, trying to protect other businesses.

I wasn’t leaving my laptop anywhere near this crowd on its own, especially with my DJ booth compadre (who was still trying to rub my back whilst I was mopping up the mess with lipstick stained napkins). I cannot make this shit up, seriously.

I pulled my dripping wet control vinyl off which sent splattering drops of alcohol all over the window behind me and grabbed my Ortofon needle off the turntable (also wet) and placed these in my bag. Luckily, that wasn’t the side playing when the spill happened, so I quickly double decked and continued on my merry way without dropping a beat (I probably did, but I’m trying to make myself seem more pro here). Regardless, dance floor kept heaving.

I forgot about our DJ booth crasher, who remained crammed in there with me throughout all of this. By this point (due to my lack of attention because of my “real” problems with the turntable), she was actively grabbing the back of my neck trying to get me to “talk more closely” or something.

At one point she tried pulling my face to hers so her friends (one of whom was the one who smashed all the drinks into the decks) could take a photo on their phones. I still posed the money shot photo (promotion baby). Still, enough was enough.

I was no longer wriggling or being polite and I was now annoyed enough that I told her to “fuck off”, to which she got pouty and said that I was mean. 

She leaned over and said something to one of her friends and this resulted in her friend descending into the booth, making her way in behind me (as I tried to block her entry unsuccessfully with what my wife calls my “small white boy” bottom).

So let’s take stock of the score card here:

What started out 15 minutes ago with a small DJ booth filled with a large American is now overflowing with the same large American, 2 very smashed twenty-something’s, one broken turntable, broken glass all over and alcohol on everything (including splattered bits on me, the mixer and my laptop). Winning!!!

The two very smashed twenty-somethings (22, to be exact, going by the finger counting before), are deep in conversation while I am having to mix BETWEEN them. I’m to their left because they’re facing me so I have to actually use the cross fader with my left arm so it looks like I’m putting my arm around one of them (which I wasn’t, I swear, Johdean).

Obviously, this cannot work so I tell them they have to leave. The new girl says:

“Just give her a pash and we’ll leave.”

I cannot believe I’m going through all of this for a stupid kiss, but being the consummate professional that I am (and having such a large backbone), I decide to finally grant her her wish. Mind you, every girls wish. A kiss from a mid-40’s, teacher on the plus-weight side who hasn’t kissed another girl other than his wife in 20 years. 

Line her up, I say...but on the other side of the decks. So her and her friend finally move to the edge of the booth for me to descend with my kissing belt on.

This will be the greatest single moment of this young girls life, because my pash is the King of all kisses. I am a make-out god. Where other tongues go limp, mine is like the Energizer Bunny. It’s set to Richter and looking for a good time. Too much? Yeah, I thought so.

Anyways, you probably already saw this yourselves, but I had actually already seen my mate (bar manager) descending upon the decks, which took time due to packed venue. By the time the 2 girls had moved to the edge of the booth so I could “kiss” this girl finally, my manager in shining armour arrived, saw the predicament and without any nicety, told them both to “fuck off” and leave me alone. She’s a legend and they both left. I’d like to say dejected, but my guess is they probably forgot about me 2 seconds later.

No explosions, no lasers. Just another night for a working class DJ.

So I went back to doing what I do for the last hour (on one working turntable), packed up my alcohol stained laptop n such and hopped in my car for the ride home. It was a school night so luckily it all finished by 11...and the first thing I did when I got home (after showering off the boozy smell) was tell my gorgeous wife everything. Everything. 

Love ya, babe!